I'm an author.

Something I've always dreamed of being able to say is that I published a book. Writing has always been a sort of therapy for me. I've written song lyrics for friends (and music, but that's another story), poems, short stories, and have a good start on several fiction pieces that I can't seem to pull together into anything cohesive. There are binders and binders of scribbled words going back to early childhood. So why and how did I finally get my shit together enough to do this?

For those who aren't at all sure what I'm talking about, I published my first book in mid-November of 2017.  It's called His Name Was Hogan: My Life with a Remarkable Doberman Pinscher. If you're even more removed from me than that, Hogan was my red-headed Doberman who was one of my soul mates in life. We lost him on June 10, 2016. 

I used to write a blog called Being Hogan, which was unique in that it was written from the dog's perspective. Hogan had quite the following through this blog and his Facebook page.  We heard from people all around the world who could relate, or just found him to be a bright spot in their day. When Hogan passed, a huge part of my creative outlet went with him.

I started this blog in an attempt to keep writing, and have heard from many people since that I should write a book. I started sifting through things I've written in the Fall of 2017, but couldn't seem to bring anything back to life. I began a new story, that does have some signs of hope to be completed, but still just wasn't feeling it. On my birthday, it hit me. If I write about something I know, feel, and understand thoroughly, it'll be a great experience. That "something" was my boy.

I started writing that night. The next day, my husband was ill and ended up in the hospital. My emotions reached an all new level of frantic those 4 days until he was back home and we had a game plan for recovery. Once I could focus again, I went back to the book. I was consumed! I stayed up late, woke up early, jotted thoughts down mid-day, etc. I simultaneously began researching what the heck I should do with it once I was done. I figured an eBook would be great. No up-front cost. Easy access for people. A lot less "work" on my part to get it ready to put out there. Not that I'm afraid of work... more that I'm afraid of sharing my life, haha! I figured if no one saw the eBook, oh well. 

You see, the writing process was extremely cathartic for me. Remembering back to how I even learned about Hogan, his coming home, our relationship, all the people in my life because of and through him, right down to his last day, was a bit of an escape for me. It also was grueling and horrible. But at the end of it all, I felt relieved somehow. Like all those memories of Hogan weren't just locked up in my head. Like I could breathe again.

I found a lot of helpful info on the web about self-publishing, including who to use and why, how and where to create a book cover for an eBook, how to format your book before uploading, copyright info, and on and on. The more I read, the less likely I felt inclined to publish this after all. But I pushed on.  November 14th, I uploaded my book to Kindle Direct Publishing, went through all their checks, and was told it'd be available for purchase "soon". I almost passed out. I'm extremely critical of myself and had myself convinced, before it even was publicly available, that it completely sucked. No one would like the content, the length, the price, my style, etc. But then I remembered that I wasn't doing this for any of that. It didn't matter one bit what the entire world thought of it. I did it for Hogan. And I was (and still am) proud of him and proud of this book. So before I got completely cold feet, I made a post about it on Facebook.  You know, because that makes stuff more real ;-)

I was immediately asked a million questions, many along the lines of "what if I don't have a way to read an eBook?". Luckily, during my research on self-publishing, I had learned quite a bit about On Demand Printing. Once again, this option has no up-front cost. The formatting is different, the book cover design is more involved, you have to number pages, etc. And who knew how the book would actually turn out. Would it be good quality?

I worked into the night reformatting things and submitted it to KDP, once again, to be reviewed for On Demand Printing. When I woke up November 15th, I had the email from KDP that the book was available! Naturally, I ordered a copy and began checking my mailbox for it that night 😂

When my copy arrived, I was pleasantly surprised and a wee bit weepy. Seeing everything right there in print was just overwhelming. I woke up from a bit of a fog that I now refer to "the week I made a book". Since then, I've had many more teary-eyed moments talking to friends, old and new, who bought the book and can relate to my experience. I've been asked to sign books for people, which still completely blows my mind. I've recounted many, many more stories of Hogan, which always adds a bright spot to any day. 

As of today, I've sold 99 copies, which I'm extremely humbled by and grateful for. I'm proud of my book. I'm amazed I went through with it. I look forward to writing another.

~Kristen